Hold Out Your Hand

Have you ever had a child say,  “Hold out your hand”?

Intuition says, “Um, why?”

Well, I have two boys, so this has happened more times than you can count. It was cute when they were small because they would give me sweet things like ladybugs or dandelions. As they got older, however, they thought it was funny to gross me out with things like big bugs, slimy stuff, or even unmentionable items.

Eventually, I learned an amazing truth:

I do not have to hold out my hand or accept whatever “gift” they may want to place there.

Though this truth may seem simple, it is very powerful, protecting, healing, and peace-bringing when carried over into all of life.

In our house, we have a saying (now I will edit one of the words to make this a family-friendly saying, but you will get the point).

Our saying is this…

“We do no harm but take no “guff”..you could also use the word poo, manure and so on but I will use guff for this sharing. 

When my husband first made this statement, I had a very reactive perspective about what “take no guff” meant.

My perspective was this meant we were to be a dukes up fight – every ounce of me angry – wouldn’t budge…. I don’t take any crap kind of family!

I have, however, evolved in my perspective of what it truly means to “Do no harm but take no “guff.”.

What it does NOT mean:

I must punch someone in the face with my courage whenever they say or do something I disagree with. Just like when my kids would ask me to hold out my hand so they could put something in it, I would respond with, “No, thank you.”

Why?

I loved my clean hand just the way it was, and I had zero desire to have it filled with something slimy, smelly, or wet. Now, carry this over into life. Just because someone tries to give you something does not mean you must accept it.

What?  How rude!

Some may say, “If someone wants to give me something, it’s rude not to accept it.” My response is this: No, actually, it’s honest! Not everything sent your way is for your benefit.

The only time something given to you becomes yours is when you accept it. Sometimes, it’s okay to say, “No thanks. I’m not taking that.”

Romans 12:9

⁹ Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.

The word abhor here is the Greek word apo, which means to detest.  It’s like how I felt about the slimy things the boy wanted to give me.

“Oh, gross, no!”

We are to detest evil.  I used to read and picture the word evil, meaning these glowing yellow eyes and belligerent or vulgar behavior.  The word here is the Greek word poneo’.  It can be translated as toilsome, slothful, worthless, or even envious.

Romans teaches that we have the right to say
“nope” to things that are toilsome-i call them peace stealers;
“nope” to things that are worthless-no value or benefit or profit;
and “nope” to things that are envious. Jealousy is an ugly booger!

If someone would like to give me “a piece of their mind,” or “gossip,” or “condemnation,” or “criticism,” or even “their bad day,” I do not have to accept it. I have the right to say, “Not accepting that.”

Here is a great place to stop and reflect. I easily see things outside of myself that are toilsome, worthless, and envious. My greatest challenge is ensuring I am not the source of any of this inside my own head. “Do no harm, take no guff” is not just a saying to help with boundaries for the world outside of me; it’s also an internal checkpoint.

For example. Let’s look at Romans 8

Romans 8:1

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.

I’m sure this is not an unfamiliar verse to most. Let’s think for a minute about what the word condemnation means. It can be defined as guilt. Guilt is one of the lowest emotions on the scale of high to low emotional states.  When someone is in a place of guilt, they are literally living in a small, low, squeezed emotional state.  Everything has a vibrational frequency; that’s just simple science.  Peace vibrates at 600 hertz…., and guilt vibrates at 30.

Derek Prince, in his teaching, “Condemnation is Our Greatest Enemy” states: “Or greatest enemy and the greatest tool satan uses against us is condemnation, being made to feel guilty. I need to tell you there is great difference between being made to feel guilty and conviction of sin. The Holy Spirit convicts of sin. He is specific, he is practical. He says, “You did this. You shouldn’t have done it. This is what you do to put it right.  And, the moment you have put it right, it’s all over. But guilt is something you can never fully defined. “did I say the right thing? Maybe I didn’t say the right thing. Maybe I haven’t done enough. Maybe I didn’t treat her right. Maybe what she said about me was right. Maybe I’m not really true or sincere.”  You see there is no end to guilt and the further you go into it, the further you sink.”

 

Are you in Christ? Is Christ in you? Then guilt does not belong in your reality! No condemnation means just that: zero, zilch, nada, none, not even a shadow! I am not to give myself guff or guilt. If I need correction, the Holy Spirit knows how to do its job. It helps me with my checks and balances. Guilt is nonexistent.

On the other side of this guilt, I know a young man whose father is very unhappy with his own life.  He is unhappy with himself, his job, his home. You list it; he is probably unhappy about it, too. Whenever he is really low, he will project this unhappiness onto his son. What do you think that projection turns into for that young man? Well, if you’re following along, you probably guessed it: it produces guilt. He feels guilty for being happy, guilty for thriving, and guilty for his joy. As long as he allows this projection, he allows guilt to try to seep into his life. This is no way to live.

Just because someone tries to give you something, does not mean you have to accept it.

Another example is a friend who has a grown child who constantly blames her for any and all of his struggles. He tells my friend it’s her fault if things don’t go his way. If things are hard, it’s her fault for not teaching him to be stronger. If he fails, it’s her fault for not teaching him to succeed; if things go wrong, it’s her fault for not…fill in the blanks.

If my friend chooses, she can place boundaries on this relationship, saying, “Nope, I will not accept that gift.” If my friend chooses she can say, “Oh honey, I’ll find a way to make it right.”  Either option is in her power.  Remember Mr. Prince stated guilt can never fully be defined? Guilt is a continual conversation in your own head that has no definite answer. There must be a point where both the young man I referred to and my friend choose to say, “Nope!”  If anything in our life brings toilsome confusion, worthlessness, or even envy, our Dad says we are to say, “Not in my house firmly!”  Abhor that which is evil, remember?

When my oldest played soccer, he was a goalie. Our victory cry was always, “Not in my house!” as he kicked/stopped/threw/hurled the balls away from his goal. We, too, can have this victory cry. Whenever condemnation, guilt, or worthlessness tries to enter either from within or outside of us, we can body proclaim, “Not in my house!”

Remember: I do not have to hold out my hand or accept whatever “gift” they may want to place there.

Remember how high peace vibrates? It’s at 600 hertz! Jesus knew the power in peace so much that he wanted to give it to us!

John 14:27

²⁷ Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Our Lord/Saviour/Big Brother said, “Close your eyes and open your hand.”  To this, we reply, “Absolutely!”  Let’s choose to accept peace and abhor worthless, unproductive division.  Let’s choose to love our neighbor as ourselves as we refuse to be troubled or afraid, as we do not harm ourselves and others, and as we decide we aren’t taking any guff from ourselves or others.