Heal The Feel

 

Have you ever heard, “Out of sight out of mind?”  Now, there may be some truth to this when it comes to my dog. If she gets focused on a food item she wants, that girl will not loose focus. Well at least not until it is eaten, or hidden from her view. The second it is gone, she moves on.  Once it is out of her sight, it is out of her mind.

We humans may think we too are like this, but in actuality our amazing brains continue to run unresolved scenarios over and over until there is a resolution or answer of peace.  Thoughts, though not in the forefront of our mind, are continually running in the back ground. So, just because something or someone in your life is unresolved and is out of your view doesn’t mean it’s out of you head.

Believe me it will pop up somewhere, just give it a minute.

In her book “Switch On Your Brain”, Dr. Caroline Leaf teaches,

“Each time you continue to suppress a toxic memory or thought, it will come back stronger.”

What happens in life is that at times we get hurt but we don’t want to deal with it or in many case don’t know how to deal with it. So, we pretend it’s no big deal. Then, pain turns into anger and as the wise Yoda once said,

“Anger leads to the dark side.”

In other words anger leads to bitterness. Then we get to a place that we don’t think on it anymore because it is no longer in our sight but make no mistake it is in our, as Dr. Caroline Leaf calls it, non-conscious mind.

Past Hurts

Past hurts that have not been healed do not disappear. They simply hang out in the background. As we experience life they affect our perception.

Have you ever seen a stranger and thought, “I don’t like ’em”.  You didn’t speak one word to that person. You don’t even now that person. But, for some reason you just don’t like them.  If you dig deep inside, you might find that total stranger had a familiar characteristic or smell or walk that reminded you of something hurtful in the past. For example, maybe it triggered an unacknowledged memory of that girl in high school who made you feel less than the best. So, when you see that stranger who walks like, smells like, or has a shirt like that past hurt… you are forming an opinion of them that in actuality is based on a past experience that has nothing to do with that person at all.

Don’t believe me? Try it sometime.

Many times in life past pains and hurts go unresolved, unanswered, and or unforgiven which in turn allows these scenarios to continue to affect us in our present.  Now, I am aware of the comments some may be thinking,

“Well I don’t know where that person is to resolve my past “or “there’s no way I’m going to let that harmful person in my circle in order to even talk about a resolution”, or “you have no idea what happened to me”.

My response to each of these comments is, “You are correct.  We can not and should not go backwards in life. We can and will today, face some of that hurt with a medicine that heals: scripture.

Psalm 107:20.

“He sent His Word and healed them.”

Ephesians 4:32 is a beautiful prescription for healing our past hurts.

“But instead be kind and affectionate toward one another.  Has God graciously forgiven you? Then graciously forgive one another in the depth of Christ’s love.”

I was listening to Pastor Shawn Johnson one day and he stated,

“Forgiveness isn’t an event, it is a process.”

Well how do I do this? One step at a time. The first step is to face whatever or whomever it is that hurt you. This isn’t an outside job were I go find people of the past. This is between me and the Father. Take time to acknowledge whatever it is by looking on the inside and asking that spirit within me to show me what I need to come eye to eye with.

Joseph’s Response

Let’s look at an example of someone who did this; someone who was strong, mighty and lived a great life after the hurt. When the time came, he had to face the feel and let it heal.

Genesis 45

1 Then Joseph could not refrain himself before all them that stood by him; and he cried, Cause every man to go out from me. And there stood no man with him, while Joseph made himself known unto his brethren.

² And he wept aloud: and the Egyptians and the house of Pharaoh heard.

³ And Joseph said unto his brethren, I am Joseph; doth my father yet live? And his brethren could not answer him; for they were troubled at his presence.

⁴ And Joseph said unto his brethren, Come near to me, I pray you. And they came near. And he said, I am Joseph your brother, whom ye sold into Egypt.

⁵ Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life.

The background is that Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery. The ones that were supposed to protect him, sold him.  He lived a lot of life between that moment and this moment. At this moment, he stopped everything, cleared out the room and cried. He cried so loud that others outside of the room heard him.  Then, what did he do?  He took this acknowledgment and turned it to praise! What? Yes, he turned his hurt and pain to praise!

Step 2 of the healing process: PRAISE!

When you enter into your Fathers’ courts, you enter into them with praise, correct? {Psalms 100}  As you are in His courts with praise, take time to pray for those who caused you harm.

“Ugh…No!”

This might be your first response and sometimes it’s mine too. But, then I remember that when I pray I am casting all my cares to Him and once they are cast to Him, they are no longer mine to bare.

Mathew 5:44

⁴³ Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.

⁴⁴ But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

If anyone on this earth had a right to hold a grudge and be angry and then bitter, it would have been Joseph. Instead, he took what was meant for harm and turned it too good.  Wow, what a way to live! (I hear a song…See A Victory)

Vengeance is not a fruit of the spirit just to be clear.  We don’t need that skill or God would have said it was ours for the taking.

Instead, He said it belongs to Him and what belongs to Him is as I love to say, “Not my monkey, not my circus”.  I am not responsible to worry about the heart or mind of others being changed, corrected, reproved or even hoping they getting knocked upside the head to think better…nope, not my job.

He can do His job just fine. I just forgive and let Him do His part. Did you know that I do not even need to have a conversation with the person I was hurt by in order to forgive them?

I don’t need to know if they know that what they did was wrong.

Nor, do I need to know if they know just exactly how they made me feel.

Now that may be hard to swallow. It seems to be in our nature at times to desire validation but, we do not need validation from others, just peace with in.

Forgiveness Heals You

That is the goal, to be healed. When we take a toxic situation, thought, or scenario and become  “thought detectives” as Dr. Leaf calls it, we can then deconstruct what was meant for our harm and reconstruct it to be used for good.

To be a thought detective is to be aware of your thoughts, analyze where they are coming from, and turn them to light.  It is our duty and joy to think about what we are thinking about.  This is how we see what we need to see about who we are.

  Proverbs 23

⁷ For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.

Several years ago I broke my elbow.  It was cast for several weeks which allowed the bone to heal.  After the removal of the cast the injury was out of sight. No longer did I “see” that big blue cast on my arm. I could have decided to just not think about the past now the I couldn’t see the cast but that was not what was going to help me complete my healing process.

There were also muscles that needed to get strength in order for me to receive a full recovery. I didn’t know the first thing about how to heal, so I found someone who could help me deal with the pain and heal the injury.

A beautiful lady named Jill became my physical therapist, and thankfully also my friend!  She took me through a very painful process but one that was needed in order to heal. Three days a week I would have to do painful stretches, digging in planters filled with rice and awful ice treatments.

Yes, the process was painful, but that process caused my injury to heal.The elbow that was once in a cast and unusable became strong and fully functioning. I use this example to make this point. Forgiveness is a process that causes healing from the inside out.

One thing I don’t want to fail to mention is: YOU.  Forgiving oneself is top priority. We have a tendency to take what was meant for our harm, internalize it and then be upset with ourselves.

Stop!

It’s time to forgive you too.

A hard heart makes mistakes but so does a humble one. Stop judging yourself and start loving yourself.  Mistakes are real but forgiveness is where our reality flourishes.

Forgive you. Period!

I want to conclude with this. Just because something is out of sight does not mean it is out of mind.

Whenever we have been hurt, we have the gift of free will to take the pain and turn it to praise.

Acknowledge what hurts or has hurt, praise God in everything, and pray for those who hurt you. Let the Father handle His part and you handle yours. Forgive yourself and others.

Be patient with yourself, be kind to yourself, be patient with others be kind to others.  

It takes intention and time to process sometimes but is worth the sweet reward of freedom!

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