EXPECTATIONS

In a conversation the other day, I overheard someone talking about how their parents were working on “finding their path” while they were raising their son, and he was angry because he disagreed with the things they did. Now hearing this from a distance gave me a very non-biased position as I had zero attachment or emotion to this person or their story; therefore, I was able to see something that I thought I would share with you.

As I thought about what he said, I realized he had expectations placed on his parents they obviously didn’t meet. I also realized that this is a common perspective all of us humans have. What if, instead, we take a moment to look at this from a different viewpoint?

(Before we go there, let me clarify I am not speaking of parents who have done harm to their children! This is about exceptions on others, not about abuse. That is a whole other topic).

You see, my parents, your parents, and his parents all have one thing in common. When they were raising us, they were on “their” path. What do I mean?  From the age that we begin making our own decisions and taking steps in our own direction without asking permission from our parents, we begin walking “OUR” path.  This is a path that we and only we can walk for ourselves.  No one else can walk it for us. If we blow it, it’s on us. If we succeed, it’s on us. Now, if, during this journey, we add a spouse who walks beside us on their path, we are still stepping down “OUR” lane. If we add children, it is still “our” path we are walking. What happens in life is that somewhere along the way, expectations begin to develop.

We expect others to see it our way; they expect us to see it their way. We expect others to think our way; they expect us to think their way. We expect others to carry our weight; they expect us to carry theirs.  We expect others to speak or respond a certain way, and they expect that of us. We expect others to think a certain way, and they, annoyed as they are, expect the same!

See where I am going with this. If we picture life as a path that each of us gets to walk on, individually, specifically, and personally designed for us and only us, without any room for someone else to walk on it, then there is no place for unreasonable expectations to be placed on someone else.  They don’t fit on my path, and I don’t fit on theirs. We just get to walk side by side.

Why am I even sharing this? The young man I overheard speaking didn’t respect that his parents were walking on “their” path and learning the things they needed to learn in life. He was angry because they were not doing what he wanted them to do.

Have you ever heard a child say…”Well, when I’m a parent, I won’t do this to my kids.”?

Great! Don’t!

Because when you are a parent, it’s your path to walk, baby!  The young man I was listening to now gets to walk on his own path, and he can choose to let go of the unreasonable expectations that he placed on his parents, and now he can let go of his disappointments too, if he chooses.

Disappointment in life is a reality, but most of the disappointment comes from my own unrealistic expectations that I have placed on top of the shoulders of another human who has their own walk to walk and does not owe me a thing!

Our Heavenly Father sees life from a much higher vantage point.

He is very aware that we have this characteristic in us that needs to put exceptions out there. So, He gives direction on where and how to place expectations.

Psalms 62:5

My soul, wait thou only upon God; For my expectation is from him.

The word expectation is the Hebrew word tiqva.  It is translated as hope, expectation, and expectancy.  There is only One Shoulder strong enough to carry my exceptions, and that shoulder belongs to my Heavenly Father.

Psalm 71:5

For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: Thou art my trust from my youth.

The word hope is our word tiqva.  He is our exception.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

He is where my expectations go, and He is where my expectations can come from.  

In her book Fight Girl, Fight Rev. Shirley Weidenhammer states,

“I am reminded that I can listen to God with an attitude of expectancy. And so can you. I think about heros from biblical times Esther, Abigail, Ruth and Mary to name a few. These were women who believed God to carry out a heavenly vision in their day and age

 

Jeremiah 33:3

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

The word WAIT in these verses can also be translated as – expect.

Put your expectations on Him; He will not disappoint.

Psalms 27:14

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

Psalms 25:3

Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed: let them be ashamed which transgress without cause.

I have a family member who became very frustrated with me after I moved to Amarillo, which is close to her. She had a lot of ideas for things we would do together. Great ideas, but when I moved here, I was transitioning to a new life, and I had my own “things” I needed to work on for a bit. Several times she would get frustrated with me to the point of anger. I realized one day, “She has expectations of me that I am not meeting.”

When I tried to have a conversation about this, it did not go well. As I drove away, I was frustrated and angry until I realized, “Um, Kalyn, you had expectations of her!”

I expected the conversation to go one way, and when it did not, I was mad at her, expecting her to respond the way I thought she should. See where I’m going with this?

Expectations do not fit on the shoulders of people; only our Dad’s Shoulders can carry those. When the scripture says to cast your care on Him because He cares for me, I am to cast those unreasonable and even reasonable expectations onto Him. He sees from a much better vantage point, and He has it all covered.

Here are the only 2 expectations I have for others:

• It is God at work within them
• All things work together for those who love Him.

That’s it!!

To close I want to read something I posted recently:

“Don’t take anything people say or do personally; this is simply a projection of WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE OF THEM.

Remember, “Out of the mouth the heart speaks”.

This is how we turn dark into light in our life. Light Shines bright and heals those in its path. The greatest way to change the world is to change yourself.”

Shine Bright, my friend!