One Step At a Time

I have often stated that what I share is not me teaching others but it is a historical documentation of my journey with God. This sharing is just that.

A little while ago, I turned 51 years old. As I sat in silence that morning thinking over my life thus far, I was filled with gratitude for all of life’s lessons and blessings, all of God’s grace throughout my days and grateful for growth throughout the many years. I was inspired with a poem that I want to read to you.

 

If happiness is based on other people’s views

Then I will seek from others and never my own truth

If living life means needing others validation

Then my heart will be held to always stop with hesitation

If my beliefs need someone’s nod of wrong or rights

Then are they truly mine or gleamed through others eyes

Thinking for myself has proven more difficult than I thought

I’ve spent a lifetime reaching outside of me to find the truths I’ve always sought

Stop the train I’d like to now get off

I’m gonna take sometime to meditate in my own thoughts

The noise around me yells, “ We know what’s best for you!”

But something deep inside me whispers “Only you know we what to pursue.”

So for now I think I’ll walk down this peaceful road in quiet

I’d like to take a moment to find my true self within the silence

I’m grateful for the love of others but something I forgot

Without love for myself I can never find what I ought

Getting to know me is a path I’ve barely taken

It’s a little uncomfortable, I’m even kind of shaken

But, I know the He is with me and my steps He carefully guides

I’ll be rising to new heights now, being honest is where truth resides

So, hold on for a bit I will return a new

I’m gonna find the true me and with everything pursue

Over the past two years I have intentionally worked on myself. Learning what it means to love myself, learning what it means to be honest with myself, learning how to be confident in my perspectives without needing others to validate me. Would you like to know why?

It’s simple, I cannot give that which I do not have. If I do not love me then trying to love you will prove frustrating. If I am not honest with me then being honest with you will be a challenge. If I am not peaceful with my views, choices, thoughts then I will need you to tell me how to live.

You have probably heard of the law of attraction. Simply stated, you attract what you are. If you are positive you attract positives and if you are negative you attract negatives. So, if I need validation, I will attract those who feel they need to give people their approval. I will also attract approval from outside of that Holy Spirit within me because I need something outside of what He has already given.  If I do not love me, I will attract others who do not love themselves. If I am not honest, I will attract others who are not honest. But, on the flip side of this, If I am living from a place of honesty, love, hope, abundance, goodness, joy, peace (most of this is fruit of the Spirit) then I attract that in my life and have it to give to others.

I spent countless time in scripture over the past two years looking for examples of much of what I wrote. One such example I love comes from a mighty man named Job.

Let’s take a minute to open up the Bible to Job 27:

27 Moreover Job continued his parable, and said,

² As God liveth, who hath taken away my judgment; and the Almighty, who hath vexed my soul;

³ All the while my breath is in me, and the spirit of God is in my nostrils;

⁴ My lips shall not speak wickedness, nor my tongue utter deceit.

⁵ God forbid that I should justify you: till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me.

⁶ My righteousness I hold fast, and will not let it go: my heart shall not reproach me so long as I live.

At this moment in Job’s life he was speaking to men whom he had loved and trusted. Men whom he had commentary with. Men who knew him and the events that had recently taken place in his life. These men were with him to comfort him during his time of need but even here it was still Job’s responsibility to be active in his own thoughts and heart, even in this time of need. Because he was, he was able to find the strength within himself to rise up.  

The words they spoke, genuine or not, were not healing him but what they did do is help him pull strength from within and through his love and understanding of God. Instead of looking at those men to tell him he is right or wrong, good or bad, strong or weak he was able to rise up with an adamant shout of strength for himself.

“My righteousness I hold fast!

No matter what has happened, I will not condemn myself, criticize myself or complain that God isn’t good. Instead I will hold fast to Him and hold fast to my righteousness!”

Well at least that’s how I hear his victory cry.

Needing validation from others for what God has already done, give, proven, and or shown is crippling to our victory. In my journey, I have intently worked to always seek His nod, His voice, His “Atta Girl”. Though at times it has seemed lonely, the reality is I am never alone!  I had to take the time “alone” to really see this. He is Always, unfailingly, faithfully there. Closer than the breath I breathe.

Another example from the Bible that relates to my poem is in Acts

^{Acts 5:29  “}Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.”

I have read this section with many different perspectives. But the perspective I want to look at today is the reality that Peter was convinced that it was God at work within him. He was convinced that no matter what the “We know what’s best for you” voices spoke, he could hear the “still small voice” the loudest. Peter knew that God knew the plans He had for Peter and that they were good. Peter’s confidence in this moment came from deep within him. He did not need peoples validation, acceptance, or approval as he knew he had His Father’s.

These two examples are what the past two years have been about.  The poem I wrote is a summation of my journey. I am so grateful to stop the train, get off, and enjoy meditation in my thoughts. Because “in the multitude of my thoughts within me His comforts delight my soul”. Those thoughts help me to “return a new because I’m gonna find the true me and with everything pursue”.

I am convinced that God is a personal Father. That He sees the individual, one and only, the me. I am convinced that it is His desire for me to love me just as He does so that I can in turn love you. I believe He desires for me to learn how to be honest with myself in word and deed so that I can do the same with you. As I fill my cup I will be able to overflow to you.

Psalms 32:7-11 TPT

“Lord, you are my secret hiding place, protecting me from these troubles, surrounding me with songs of gladness! Your joyous shouts of rescue release my breakthrough. Pause in his presence I hear the Lord saying, “I will stay close to you, instructing and guiding you along the pathway for your life. I will advise you along the way and lead you forth with my eyes as your guide. So don’t make it difficult; don’t be stubborn when I take you where you’ve not been before. Don’t make me tug you and pull you along. Just come with me!” So my conclusion is this: Many are the sorrows and frustrations of those who don’t come clean with God. But when you trust in the Lord for forgiveness, his wraparound love will surround you. So celebrate the goodness of God! He shows this kindness to everyone who is his.”

Getting to know me is a path I’ve barely taken

It’s a little uncomfortable I’m even kind of shaken

But I know that He is with me and my steps He carefully guides

I’ll be rising to new heights now, being honest is where truth resides

So, hold on for a bit I will return a new

I’m gonna find the true me and with everything pursue